On Febr 06, 2009, my Colon Doctor called me
on a Friday evening at 5:45, fifteen minutes
before I was to meet my wife and our friends
for pizza. The phone call was regarding two
different colonoscopys I had, October 2008
and a confirmation of October's finding
in January 2009.
My Doctor in a calm voice, "Craig, you have
the onset of pre-cancer dysplasia and the best
way to proceed is to remove the whole colon
and you won't be chasing bad guys any more."
I said, "WHAT??" and was hit with a ton of
bricks. He further explained that this disease
would restrict me to a desk and this is best
with your condition.
Fearing the unknown of what this disease had
in store for my family and I, I felt like I had just
been hit in the mid-section and I lost hope.
You see my Colon Doctor had been treating me
for approx. eleven years for ulcerative colitis
(ulcers of the colon) and it was under management
and control.
Thoughts racing through your mind, over the years I became comfortable with my Colon Doctor, we discussed these fears about my future with this disease and of having to give up my profession in law enforcement. During those conversations I was again assured my disease was under management and control.
For people who know me; Law Enforcement has been my LIFE. I have been a fortunate to be a Police Officer since 1978. You don't tell a cop, "You’re not going to do something that you are passionate about." This is a career ender....
You see my wife and I had several plans scheduled in the up coming months, including a major remodeling project and several camping trips, we just discussed weeks previously.
My experience with the Medical Profession is they deliver their conversations to their patients
is a black and white tone. Well, Doc - patients view life in color. Well in a four minute conversation
with my Colon Doctor, my life as I knew ended.
During the next weeks, a variety of negative emotions filled our home. What was this disease going to do to us, about my job, what was our future.
During this same time period, my wife was also stressing over her own employment future and whether we would need to move across country for her to keep her job.
Returning with my wife from a business trip she had at her cooperate headquarters in Chicago,
I received a second phone call from my Colon Doctor. He shared with me the findings
from Mayo Clinic were positive and "we need to move forward" with surgery.
I then demanded he share with me his #1 choice for a Surgeon and he provided me his name and recommendation.
After a few weeks of depression, my wife and I made our first appointment with my Colon Cancer Surgeon; Dr Michael Page - with Iowa Clinics, Des Moines, Iowa.
Understand prior to this appointment, the only things the two of us had in common were, both living in Ankeny (Iowa) and both fanatics about smoking meat and BBQ.
Well ten minutes into our conversation I started crying. A total stranger just told a Cop of 33 years, some very shocking news. What Doctor Page just told me was "if you choose to fight, I will fight with you and for you and if you have a little faith and to trust me and follow my instructions, I’ll get you back in uniform in about twenty weeks, but you'll be off your feet thou until then." I completely froze on that one statement he said and began running it through my brain - I'll get you back in uniform." "WHAT??"
You see prior to this meeting, remember conversations we have with the Medical Professionals and their black and white delivery.
You see, I just had my world completely taken away and my world, well I was still viewing in color, with several different shades of gray. Then our meeting with Dr. Page.
Into our conversation I learned over the previous weeks I wasted emotions, energy and time over what my Colon Doctor had told me, time and energy that I would not get back.
I stopped and wiped the tears and said with passion and some very strong determination
"Doc you get me back in uniform and I’ll get you in a patrol car to do a Police ride along."
At that moment I witnessed a young child in a new toy store. My Doctor was ecstatic about riding on patrol in a Police car.
Full of excitement and delight, I think Doctor Page completely missed what emotions I was feeling.
In a 1 hour meeting, I met a Doctor who spoke to me in a conversation with color and
opened a whole box of the Crayola crayons, you know the big 64 color pack. Talk about your wide array of vivid emotional colors. I was feeling total disbelief, scared, excited, worried, but most of all shocked and numbness.
With a renewed form of hope, my Wife and I left Doctor Page's office, but I was angry, bitterly angry.
I returned back to work and shared with my immediate Supervisor's what was to be in
store over the next weeks. Positive reassurance and some very encouraging conversations with some co-workers and an extremely positive visit with Dr Page, I turned the tables and I became more angry. I DECIDED GAME ON DOC!
I had a few other medical appointments prior to Surgery. One of which was with a Ostomy Nurse and getting measured for my Ostomy port. The concern I had was my uniform gun belt and my soft body armor. How were we going to function? Although I'd be wearing the pouch for only six weeks; again, wasted energy and emotion.
My Nurse assured me, "you'll do just fine." Do you know any other Police Officers who are in this condition? "No, but you'll be fine."
I quickly learned from researching the Internet and conversations via email with two other Law Enforcement Officers - who were in the same situation I was - how a Cop with a Ostomy functions. Well, one turns out to play full contact hockey in the New England region in his free time and another is a SWAT Supervisor in a large metropolitan area on the East Coast.
Beginning of the "I Can Do" attitude.
Monday night, nine hours before surgery. A wealth of emotions in the home that evening. My Wife and I both quiet. I would soon realize, that at a time of crisis, ones body goes through a gamete of emotions and thoughts. Mine, were playing out the "What if" thoughts and making sure account numbers, phone numbers, and special instructions were detailed and correct for my Wife and to keep it easier on her, because she would have enough to worry about, that she didn't need to worry about those matters.
My Wife's emotions, well, those would not be discussed for approximately fifteen months later.
I finished the Prep kit and attempted to get a good night's sleep. Yeah right.
The next morning, I was up at 4:30 and remembered saying on our way out the door,
"I don't want to be late." Stupid things fear makes one say.
I also remembered thinking, I hope Doctor Page had an enjoyable evening the night before with his family and a good nights sleep.
Weird stuff one thinks.
My feelings that morning were mixed and full of emotion. While in the Pre-Op room, I remember apologizing to my wife for what I've put her through these past weeks. In her own way, she simply said,
"it's because I love you, you don't need to apologize. "
"You don't need to." We'll discuss this further on the "Fight Back Page."
The the Surgical Room my nerves were fried. I had a great Surgical Crew and then the last conversation I remember that morning,
"Mr Phinney, can you start counting back from 100?" Sure, 99, 98...............
"Life as I knew it ended that day"
This site was last updated: January 4, 2012
